Want to Be Successful? Put People First

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I will never forget the first time I thought I would die. It was October 1994, and I was assigned to the U.S. Embassy in Kuwait. Without warning, Saddam Hussein revealed that he had over 70,000 troops on the Kuwait/Iraq border ready to invade.

While Kuwait had plenty of military hardware, they did not have enough troop strength to repel an invasion. And, it would take U.S. troops three days to arrive. We knew that if Iraq invaded before our troops arrived, our lives were at risk.

Since I was the notetaker for the embassy's emergency meetings to respond to this threat, I saw first-hand how our embassy team fell apart under stress. We never believed Saddam would invade Kuwait a second time and therefore had no contingency plans. A resilient team, however, would have been innovative, collaborative, and able to respond despite the lack of planning and high stress. Instead, we were frighteningly inept.

Our ambassador made one major mistake that significantly eroded our team's resilience. He communicated to embassy personnel that our country’s bilateral relationship with Kuwait was a higher priority than our safety and security.

For understandable foreign policy reasons, the ambassador did not want to give the impression that we were panicking and he instructed staff to maintain the status quo. Employees were told to send their children to school as usual and to keep their families in the country. The embassy community’s anxiety worsened as the ambassador spent much of his time with Kuwaiti officials and too little time meeting with and reassuring staff and families.

While Saddam did not invade, the result of putting policy before people was an angry and bitter embassy community with low morale and productivity.

In contrast, the U.S. Ambassador to Nepal’s actions after the 2015 earthquakes demonstrate the benefits of putting people first. When the first earthquake hit, the ambassador’s only priority was the safety of all embassy personnel. He focused on staff well-being, shifting towards the bilateral relationship with the government of Nepal only after he was confident that mission employees were okay. 

Despite the security and logistical challenges, the ambassador let every employee and their families move to the embassy compound since it was the safest place in the country. He allowed people to bring their pets knowing how much animals mean to people and how tragic it would have been to leave pets behind. The ambassador and other senior embassy leaders walked around the compound every day checking on people, listening to feedback, and making sure they were all right.

His actions sent the message that he cared about people and would overcome challenges when needed to protect them.

Knowing that they and their loved ones were valued and safe enabled the embassy staff to devote themselves entirely to assisting American citizens and the people and government of Nepal. As a result, the Nepalese view the United States as genuine partners, and private U.S. citizens praised embassy personnel for the quality of assistance they provided. Embassy employees were proud of the work they did, and after the crisis ended, most were healthy and unscarred.

It can be tempting to prioritize policy or profits over people. However, a lack of consideration for people (one of the 7Cs of team resilience) will inevitably erode the resilience of a team and risk mission failure. Instead, putting people first means that a resilient team will be able to achieve policy goals and earn profits because they are more capable and productive.

Do you have a story about a leader who did or did not put people first?

___________________________

To learn more about how you and your team can thrive in adversity, visit my website, and follow me on LinkedIn, Facebook, and Twitter. And, check out my online Resilience Leadership course.

What "Should Be" Is a Trap

A few years ago I met with Chris (not his real name), a Foreign Service officer who was having trouble bouncing back after not being selected for an assignment he really wanted. As he described what was happening, he kept using the word “should.”

His current boss "should" have advocated more forcefully for his candidacy. The Ambassador "should" have fought for him because he was the most qualified candidate.

An office in Washington "should" not have promoted their candidate, given he had less experience than Chris. Chris believed he had been jerked around and that several people "should" help him get a good assignment to compensate.

Chris was mentally trapped in what "should be," and it was eroding his resilience. Instead, he needed to shift his focus to "what is."

For example, Chris's boss had a poor relationship with key individuals who influenced the assignment Chris wanted. Therefore, it was unlikely Chris's boss was going to reach out and advocate on Chris's behalf. If Chris had recognized this reality, he may have found other mentors who could have supported him. Or, he may have reached out directly to the decision-makers to lobby for the job.

Chris also had an idealized view of the Foreign Service assignment process, believing it should be fair and transparent when, instead, it is opaque and based on personal connections and reputations. Since many highly qualified people apply for the same positions, leaders tend to pick the people they know and trust with whom to work. While this culture is less than ideal, if Chris had accepted what is, he could have made himself more competitive by cultivating more relationships and lobbying for positions rather than relying only on his qualifications.

When Chris found himself without an assignment, his insistence that he was owed something because he was jerked around meant he wasn't getting anything. The reality is that no one perceived that they owed Chris something and so they did nothing to help him. By relying on others to "do what is right," Chris trapped himself in a corner that gave him few options.

Accepting "what is" does not mean acquiescing to unfairness or injustice. Instead, after you decide what you think should be, make an effort to understand what is and why it is that way. You may adjust your image of what should be by better understanding other people's motivations and situations. Then, make a conscious decision about how to move forward.

It is ok to accept what is and adapt your behavior accordingly. For example, the checkout lines at my local grocery store are slow. Instead of seething about the slow lines every time I shop, I remind myself that the lines are slow because the women working the registers are friendly and chatty and take their time. I realize that this is a reality I’m not willing or probably even able to change. So, I avoid shopping when I’m in a hurry.

If you feel strongly about what should be, make a deliberate decision whether you will try to influence reality. Many people promoting social justice are doing just that, and they have a positive impact on society. To be successful at changing something, you first need to understand what it is. Then, if you decide you want to influence what is, build a coalition of like-minded people, clearly define your goals, and develop a strategy for making the change given on-the-ground realities. These actions will help you stay resilient, even when improvements are hard to achieve.

For example, when I returned from Iraq in 2004, I thought the State Department did a poor job of supporting me and others serving in dangerous postings. I thought they should do better. I also accepted the bureaucratic realities and the limitations of the State Department's culture. For 15 years, I worked with allies to change what is, and while it still isn't perfect and isn't yet what I think should be, it is much better than it was and is continuing to improve. If I had gotten stuck in 2004 over what should be, I would not have recovered my productivity and resilience as quickly as I did and I would not have been able to make the positive changes I believed were needed.

So, if you are stuck in what “should be,” get a realistic picture of “what is” and then make a conscious decision about whether you’ll accept what is and adapt your behavior accordingly, or join up with others to make a change.

What is your experience accepting or influencing “what is?”

___________________________

To learn more about how you and your team can thrive in adversity, visit my website, and follow me on LinkedIn, Facebook, and Twitter. And, check out my online Resilience Leadership course.

Want a More Resilient Team? Improve Communication.

Image by Free-Photos from Pixabay

When team members feel well-informed about work-related events, the team is more likely to thrive in adversity. Keeping people informed sounds simple, right?

Unfortunately, it’s not as easy as it sounds to communicate the right amount of information to the right people at the right time.

I've conducted dozens of resilience training sessions for teams around the world, and most of them identify communication as their most significant problem area.

Given the complexity of how people communicate, how do you encourage sufficient information sharing without overwhelming team members? Here are a few tips:

Reduce Email

While email can be a useful communication tool, it is often overused. Many of us use email instead of picking up the phone or walking down the hall because it is quick and easy. However, when we do that, we lose context and nuances and may say something we wouldn't express in person. That's why it's best to avoid fighting or negotiating by email. Use email to memorialize conversations, provide clear taskings, and for simple communications. Speak in person for more complex discussions.

Encourage Questions

Questions spark dialogue, which is a much more productive form of communication than only reporting what you know or did. Senior leaders often speak much more than they should because they have the most power in the room. Instead, they should be asking questions, soliciting input, and seeking out other's thoughts and ideas. I write the word "wait" in my notebook to remind myself to ask, "why am I talking?"

Promote Critical Thinking

The Foundation for Critical Thinking defines this as "self-guided, self-disciplined thinking which attempts to reason at the highest level of quality in a fair-minded way." Critical thinkers are open-minded, willing to hear alternative approaches, and challenge their assumptions. If you're senior, give staff permission to challenge your conclusions and decisions respectfully.

Solicit Differing Views

Before expressing your opinion, solicit input from your colleagues. Ask if anyone has an alternative view. Be open to hearing different ideas and suggestions. If you're the decision-maker, thank everyone for their input and explain why you chose one direction over the alternatives.

Share Information

Information is power, and many people are reluctant to share this power. There may be good reasons to limit information sharing, such as HR rules or political risk, but make not sharing the exception rather than the rule. 

Run Good Meetings

While meetings are an essential forum for information sharing and dialogue, most people hate them because they aren't run well. Make sure your meetings are worthwhile by starting on time, keeping them short, having clear agenda items, and encouraging robust discussions. Check out this advice from Forbes on how to run successful meetings.

Avoid Communication Vacuums

In a crisis, most people are hungry for information. When we get a hint of bad news coming, many people try to gather as much information as possible to be prepared for the hit. If leadership doesn't quickly provide details, rumors start to spread, and gossip takes over. Leaders must fill this vacuum with something, even if it's to say, "I don't know, but I'll let you know when I hear something." Resist the temptation to wait until you have all of the facts before saying something. Instead, immediately share what you do know and promise regular updates.

What have you done to improve communication in your workplace?

___________________________

To learn more about how you and your team can thrive in adversity, visit my website, and follow me on LinkedIn, Facebook, and Twitter. And, check out my online Resilience Leadership course.

How to Cope with the Death of a Co-Worker

When I was the Consul General in Kolkata, one of my employees committed suicide while on leave in the United States. The news came as a shock. While many of us did not know him well, he was a valued member of our team and the loss hit us hard. His staff, who had worked closely with him for over a year, were particularly devastated and struggled to come to terms with the news.

Luckily, a colleague who had experience with workplace deaths gave me excellent advice on how to rebuild and maintain my team’s resilience after losing a colleague. Here’s what I learned from this experience:

Take Time to Grieve

While work must continue, don’t return to business as usual right away. Give staff the time and space to work through their grief.

Everyone Grieves Differently

Grief is a very personal experience and everyone has different ways of coping. Some people want to jump back into work to distract themselves from the loss. Others need to process grief with their colleagues. A sudden workplace death may spark personal memories for co-workers who lost loved ones, triggering even more grief for these individuals.

Attend the Memorial Service

If possible, and if the family welcomes attendance, make sure that everyone in the office is able to attend the memorial service, while taking necessary precautions to be safe from coronavirus. While you may need to close the office for a few hours or even a day, memorial services are an important venue to share memories and provide support to family and friends. It will also help colleagues find meaning in the midst of a significant loss. In my situation, Kolkata was too far away from the family’s memorial service to attend so we held a separate memorial service at the consulate and sent photos and the signed memorial book to his family.

Connect With the Family

Reach out to the employee’s family to express your condolences and talk about how much the employee was valued in the workplace. Ask the family how they would like to handle any personal items left in the office. Be open to family members coming to the office and be generous about sharing positive stories. After someone dies, family members often want to learn more about their loved ones. By being compassionate and open with the family, you are communicating with colleagues that you value them as a person, not just an employee.

Be Thoughtful in How You Replace the Employee

Since work must get done, you will eventually need to clean out the employee’s workplace and find a replacement. Don’t move too quickly, however, since every change will trigger grief and loss. Give employees time to process changes. For example, let them know a few days in advance that family members are picking up the employees’ personal items. Provide advance notice that the position is being advertised or the office is going to be occupied by someone new. This will give people time to process the news so when they see the changes, they are more prepared. Consider dropping cell the person’s phone number rather than reassigning it to another employee.

Create a Memorial

Memorials signal that while we lost someone, they are still important to the living. Memorials can have a powerful impact on a team because it also signals how much you care about all employees and that they will also not be forgotten upon their deaths. Memorials can be temporary, such as a board with post-it notes for messages and memories. Or they can be permanent, such as a tree planted in a common area to provide a quiet area for reflection and prayer.

Talk About the Employee

Death makes us all uncomfortable and it can be tempting to avoid talking about the employee’s death in order to avoid this discomfort. However, silence will often have a more negative effect, with employees ruminating about what happened and not feeling able to express their thoughts. Also, employees may think their colleague has been quickly forgotten and wonder if they will also be forgotten if they die. Take time in staff meetings to ask about how people are doing and what they are thinking. Solicit memories and stories about your colleague.

Have you lost a co-worker? What impact did it have on you and your office?

___________________________

To learn more about how you and your team can thrive in adversity, visit my website, and follow me on LinkedIn, Facebook, and Twitter. And, check out my online Resilience Leadership course.

Hobbies Are Not a Waste of Time

Photo by Juliet Furst on Unsplash

Do you have a hobby, something you do just because you enjoy it and it makes you feel good? If not, ask yourself why. Too many people view hobbies as frivolous, something we should only do when we have time leftover from our "real" priorities. We don't feel productive when engaged in a hobby, so we think we are wasting time.

The reality is that hobbies have a positive impact on our work productivity, even if we don't see it directly. Many hobbies rest our brains and allow us to recover and rejuvenate.

A 2009 study showed that more time spent on leisure activities correlated with lower blood pressure, lower levels of depression and stress, and overall better psychological and physical functioning. Hobbies can also jump-start your creativity, or allow your mind to wander and look at issues from a new angle.

If you already have a hobby, schedule time for the activity instead of waiting until you have time left over. If you don't have a hobby, make it a priority to find one. Here are some tips on finding a hobby as an adult:

Go Back to Your Childhood

What did you like to do as a child? The chances are that you will still enjoy those activities that gave you so much pleasure. Don't view actions as "childish" or something you should have outgrown.

Try Different Options

Give new activities a try and see if they stick. Ask friends if you can join them for their hobbies, take a class, or attend a club meeting. If a hobby isn't working, don't hesitate to drop it and try something else.

Revisit Past Hobbies

Did you have hobbies in the past that you dropped? Explore why you stopped and consider picking up an old hobby and trying again. I stopped photographing for years and realized that I was intimidated by digital cameras. One photography class solved that problem, and I've been creating photos ever since. 

What Are Your Guilty Pleasures?

What do you like to do on vacation? How do you spend money when you're frivolous? These may be keys to a hobby you'll find engaging and rewarding.

Establish a Hobby Budget

If you don't engage in hobbies because of the expense, consider starting a new bank account with automatic deposits to provide a pot of money you are always allowed to spend on the hobby despite other priorities. I've kept a travel bank account for years, and I never feel guilty spending these funds. 

Banish the Guilt

Hobbies are activities you do for sheer pleasure. Hobbies don't need to earn money, and they don't need to be part of a self-improvement effort. Stop feeling guilty about being unproductive and instead remind yourself that constant productivity is harmful in the long run.

Are you struggling to find a hobby? Check out this extensive guide and this article for more guidance on how to find a new hobby.

How does your hobby impact your resilience?

 ___________________________

To learn more about how you and your team can thrive in adversity, visit my website, and follow me on LinkedIn, Facebook, and Twitter. And, check out my online Resilience Leadership course.

We All Need Help. Here's How to Ask.

Photo by Noah Buscher on Unsplash

A few years ago, two colleagues assumed new, challenging leadership roles. One coworker wanted to prove he was capable of leading on his own. He worried that if he asked for help, he would appear vulnerable and weak. He also felt guilty, thinking that if he asked for support, he would burden other people.

As a result, his resilience eroded, and he struggled in the new position. Colleagues were frustrated, and some thought he did not trust them because he would not seek their support.

My second colleague reached out to multiple people for help. She sought advice from mentors, signed up for a coach, and communicated to her new staff that she needed their support. She thrived in her new position. Her team felt valued, and her supervisor was very pleased.

While asking for help is a powerful resilience skill, it is remarkable how often people are reluctant to seek support from others. Like my first colleague, many people are afraid that needing help is a sign of weakness or incompetence, and that they will appear vulnerable and needy. They don't want to burden others.

However, seeking assistance often has the opposite effect. It is a compliment to be asked for advice and input; people want to support each other. When getting help improves performance, a person comes across as competent and capable. As we become more senior leaders, it is nearly impossible to succeed without help.

Here are some suggestions on how to ask for help:

Build Trust

Build relationships with your colleagues to develop trust. Offer to support coworkers if you see them struggling. Once you've built trust, it will be much easier to reach out to people when you need their support.

Set Clear Intentions

Before you ask for help, clarify what you need from the other person. Do you want advice? Do you want someone to help you do a task? Do you want someone to listen and help you formulate solutions? When you are clear about your intentions, you'll be more effective in communicating what you need.

Appreciate Imperfection

When you ask for help, you may not always get precisely what you want. However, even imperfect coaching or advice can provide valuable insights. While your helper may not have done the work your way, he still took a burden off your shoulders. Focus on the benefits and express your gratitude regardless of the quality of the assistance.

Be Honest

Be honest about what you can and cannot do. Showing vulnerability and imperfection will demonstrate your humanity and permit others to do the same.

Be Authentic

Don't ask for help if you don't want the assistance. People can tell whether you are faking and will be insulted if they perceive that your request for support is just a way of seeking validation or a power play. If you don't want help, don't ask for it.

Don’t Follow Everyone’s Advice

Some people are reluctant to seek input because they believe they must then take the advice given. Thank people for their suggestions and then decide what works for you. Sometimes guidance from another person helps you identify why you chose a different path. However, if there are people whose advice you consistently ignore, think about why you’re seeking their input and reconsider reaching out to those individuals.

Don’t Be Needy

While asking for help is powerful, it will cause damage if it becomes neediness. For example, a weekly 15-minute call with a mentor is invaluable, but a daily 30-minute call is needy.

Don’t Be a Drama King/Queen

Don’t portray yourself as a helpless victim in need of constant protection. Drama can be distracting and may cause potential helpers to avoid you. Even if you are a victim of harassment or discrimination, seek help in a way that communicates that you are taking charge and fighting back, not that you want someone else to take over solving this problem for you.

Start Small

If you struggle to ask for help, start with small requests such as asking a family member to help you clean the kitchen after dinner or asking a colleague for advice on what to include in the next meeting agenda. As you become more skilled at asking for help, expand to more challenging situations. Asking for help is a skill that improves with practice. 

What has helped you ask for help?

___________________________

To learn more about how you and your team can thrive in adversity, visit my website, and follow me on LinkedIn, Facebook, and Twitter. And, check out my online Resilience Leadership course.

How to Forge One Work Culture

Image by truthseeker08 from Pixabay

When the U.S. government shut down several years ago, I saw how difficult it was to maintain team resilience in the State Department because of the disparities between various groups. Most people think of national and racial differences when it comes to culture. But, every group, no matter how small, develops its way of doing things, values, and practices that form a culture. 

In the workplace, this can manifest itself as different ways of communicating, interacting, or making decisions. One group may have a slow but steady pace of work while another is quick and reactive. A team of accountants may have a different culture than a group of attorneys.

Even the most cohesive teams have the potential to fracture based on natural affinities, roles, and designations. Resilient organizations incorporate all groups into one shared culture that does not impose a dominant approach on the rest of the team and values all groups equally. They actively minimize, if not eliminate, natural fractures. If action is not taken to remove fissures, they can become breaks during a crisis and threaten the team's effectiveness.

Here are some individual and group approaches to limit the fractures on your team by inspiring one team culture:

Promote Shared Values and Goals

Identify your shared values and goals and promote them among your team. Focus on similarities rather than differences. Demonstrate how each member of the team contributes to the shared mission. Value all team members equally. For example, Loyola's basketball team created a Wall of Culture to remind every team member of their shared values.

Recognize Your Unconscious Biases

Understand your background and position in the organization and ask yourself whether you have inherent biases on how you view the team culture. Is there a dominant culture that doesn't recognize the other cultures in the group? Try to see the team from your colleagues' perspectives. How are they the same and different? Ask your colleagues how they feel about being a member of the team. If they feel like outsiders or feel devalued, find out why and work to change the team dynamics.

Share Stories

One of the best ways to build one team is to learn each other's stories. Ask your colleagues about their history with the office. What are the highlights? What are their challenges? I worked with an embassy team that had a long-standing break between American and local staff because locals felt betrayed by the Americans decades earlier. They repaired their cracks when Americans started learning the local staffs' stories.

Words Matter

Think about the language you use in the workplace. One of the most destructive phrases is "just a" (he's "just an administrative assistant," or she's "just an intern"). Eliminate this phrase from your vocabulary. Make sure the way you refer to each other is not creating unnecessary divisions.

Imagine Working Without Your Teammates

Imagine trying to accomplish the work your office does without the contributions of everyone on your team. Think about how each person contributes to the overall mission and how critical they are to your success. How different would your team be without their unique contributions? Now that you've experienced feelings of loss think about what you can do to show your colleagues how much you value them.

Tackle the Hard Issues

Resist the temptation to have token appreciation events in hopes this will show undervalued team members how much you care. Instead, commit every day to make sure all colleagues feel they belong and are valued, and that their culture is incorporated into one broader team culture that does not discriminate among team members. For example, during the government shutdown, my leadership could have allowed many of the language instructors to work despite suspending training since they were not federal employees and the institute had already obligated the funds for their contracts. However, this decision would have been politically risky and not easy to implement. This group of staff suffered severe financial hardship while others received back pay, causing bitterness between various groups and a drop in morale.

Creating one culture is one of the 7Cs of team resilience. To learn more about how you can build a team that thrives in adversity, check out my blog on the 7Cs of team resilience.

How have you forged one culture in your office?

___________________________

To learn more about how you and your team can thrive in adversity, visit my website, and follow me on LinkedIn, Facebook, and Twitter. And, check out my online Resilience Leadership course.

When Your Values Conflict With Work

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In 2003, I opened the Office of the U.S. Consul in Baghdad to assist private American citizens living and working in Iraq. I disagreed with the decision to invade Iraq but thought I could have a positive impact on how the U.S. government proceeded post-invasion. I was wrong. I arrived soon after the establishment of the Coalition Provisional Authority (CPA), the legal entity that governed Iraq for one year. In theory, it was a coalition of various countries, but in reality, the United States was in charge. We were awful occupiers. Iraqis would come to my office because they could not access the CPA headquarters. They asked me for help reporting crimes to non-existent police, finding family members abducted/arrested the night before by unknown American assailants, and getting out of their country because their lives were in danger.

For the first time in my life, I struggled to reconcile my job with my values and morals. In retrospect, I realize that I should have considered curtailing from the assignment when I first realized the disconnect between my values and reality on the ground, but my sense of commitment was too strong. It never occurred to me to leave. I kept hoping that what I witnessed was just an anomaly. The U.S. government couldn't be this bad; it must get better. I thought I could still do a little good by staying. Unfortunately, this disconnect contributed to my development of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). After my hotel was hit by rockets, I would ruminate over whether our efforts in Iraq were worth the risks I was taking. If I died, would my death be meaningless?

Part of my recovery from PTSD was going back and finding a way to feel comfortable with my role as a U.S. government official during the occupation. I did so by reframing my purpose - I was there to assist and protect American citizens and did the best I could. I was not responsible for the counterproductive and harmful actions of other U.S. government officials. I had to work through my survivor guilt. Why did I escape physical injury while others lost limbs and lives? Why didn't I quit and go public about the wrongs I was witnessing? Could I have done more to help people? I realized that I still had to find meaning and purpose from my experience in Iraq if I wanted to leave the year behind and move on.

As I discovered the powerful effect meaning and purpose have on an individual’s resilience, I realized that I had lost meaning in my work when I witnessed U.S. government leaders engaged in actions that I found to be morally offensive. Once I found meaning, even retroactively, I became more resilient. I realized that even if we find meaning and purpose outside work, the lack of it at work will still erode our resilience pretty quickly. Here are some tips for finding meaning and purpose at work if you have a conflict between your work and personal values:

Clarify the conflict. Do you disagree with the organization’s policy or do you believe that the policy is harmful or immoral? It is easier to reconcile disagreements than it is to work on something that conflicts with your core values is much harder.

Search for meaning, no matter how small. If you disagree with your office’s mission, are there other parts of your work that give you meaning? For example, do you derive meaning from helping your colleagues, learning new skills, or trying to minimize the negative impact of the mission?

Think about your role. Consider what role you play in the organization and the impact you may or may not have on important decisions. Are you responsible for the actions of leadership? Can you impact the direction of the organization? Are you having a positive or negative impact?

Stay in control. If office goals or actions conflict with your core values, make a conscious decision about whether you will stay in that position or remain with the organization. Weigh the pros and cons of each choice, factoring in the negative impact of working against core values. Explore your options. Can you move to another position in the organization? Can you take time off either by doing a detail, long-term training or leave without pay? There is no right or wrong decision, but making a decision will give you back some control over the situation.

Find social support. Reach out to like-minded people with whom you can talk through the disconnect and who can help you frame what is happening and explore possible responses. It is hard to work through these conflicts by yourself.

Have you worked in an organization that conflicts with your core values? How did you respond?

I help individuals and teams thrive in adversity by providing practical skills and tools I developed over several decades as a U.S. diplomat in challenging environments. Visit my website to learn more about how I can help you and your team avoid burnout and become more innovative, collaborative, and productive despite overwhelming challenges, constant change, and chronic stress. Follow me on Twitter at @payneresilience.

How to Survive a Toxic Work Environment

Over the past few years, I've interviewed hundreds of employees about the types of chronic stress they experience in their lives. Unfortunately, many report that their worst stress stems from having a "toxic workplace," a work environment that is poisonous, has excessive personal drama, includes mean-spirited leaders or colleagues, and allows destructive behaviors such as bullying and sexual harassment.

Working in a toxic environment will very quickly erode your resilience. While it is advisable to remove yourself from a toxic workplace, that is not always possible. And, while senior leadership should take action to eliminate toxic work environments, the reality is that many leaders do not remove toxic people from the office.

If you find yourself working in a toxic office, here are some suggestions for boosting your resilience until you can leave, the toxic person is removed, or a toxic culture is eliminated:

Establish Boundaries

While it is hard to set boundaries and say no, it is critical to do so in a toxic work environment. Write down clear and concise boundaries, such as taking your lunch break, not coming in early or staying late, not working on the weekends, or not responding to your boss at all hours of the day. Remember your boundaries and stick to them.

Create a Positive Work Space

While you may not be able to control or influence very much in your work environment, you usually can decide how to decorate your work space. Hang relaxing posters, have pictures of people you love, and post positive quotes. Remind yourself that your job is not everything and that you have a happy life.

Don’t Take Negativity Home With You

While your workplace may be filled with negativity, have a strategy for transitioning to a more positive outlook before you arrive home in the evening. If you have to work from home, set limits on when you'll do your work. If you start thinking about work after hours, find something to distract you.

Seek Social Support

Find a supportive friend who will let you vent and release pent up frustration. Let your friend know that you don't need a problem solver, just a safe space to talk. Balance time with that friend doing positive activities that involve fun and laughter so you don't burn out your friend.

Avoid Drama

Don't gossip or get drawn into constant chatter about a toxic employee or boss. If you need to report events to a colleague or supervisor, focus on behavior you observed and not stories you've heard. Stay grounded in reality.

Take Action

Report inappropriate behavior that you witnessed to appropriate authorities such as senior leaders and/or HR. If you work for the government, consider reporting behavior to your Office of Inspector General, the Office of Civil Rights, or your Ombudsman. Even if the people to whom you report the behavior do not take the action you'd like them to take, you'll know you did the right thing by reporting bad behavior.

Stay True to Yourself

Resist being drawn into acting badly. Remind yourself of your core values, remain authentic, and stay on the high road. Resist the temptation to "win" against a toxic employee by compromising your principles. Toxic people often try to manipulate colleagues into engaging in bad behavior in order to have someone to blame later if they are held accountable.

Look for the Good

Write down everything positive about your situation and when you are particularly down, read your list. Add to it. Keep your focus on the positive as much as possible.

Remember that Your Job Isn’t Everything

Avoid associating your happiness and self-worth only with your job. Your career is important, but so are family, friends, physical health, mental health, hobbies, your residence, and your community engagement. When things are not going well at work, focus on building up the parts of your life outside of work so that unhappiness with work will not dominate your feelings about life in general. 

Protect Yourself

Communicate clearly and keep notes of conversations. Keep all of your written communications. Don't let problems fester but confront them immediately and professionally.

Ask for Help

Working in a toxic environment can quickly erode mental health. If you find that you are experiencing characteristics of low resilience that are severe and last for long periods of time, or they interfere with your normal functioning, seek help through your company’s Employee Assistance Program or your own personal physician or mental health professional.

Create an Exit Strategy

While it may not be easy to leave your job, create an exit strategy and take small steps towards a better future. This signals your brain that your current situation won’t last forever. Remember what you are working towards and what you are creating instead of what is happening right now.

Have you worked in a toxic office? If so, how did you survive?

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 To learn more about how you and your team can thrive in adversity, visit my website, and follow me on LinkedIn, Facebook, and Twitter. And, check out my online Resilience Leadership course.

How Colin Powell Demonstrated Commitment

Department of State of the United States of America [Public domain]

When leaders promote the 7Cs of Team Resilience, they ensure team members are well prepared for the unexpected and can respond effectively during a crisis.

This week Colin Powell turned 84 years old. His birthday reminded me that he is one of my favorite Resilience Leader role models because he made the time to foster these 7Cs despite his overwhelming workload as U.S. Secretary of State.

Secretary Powell regularly demonstrated his commitment to State employees and, as a result, he built an agency that thrived despite the challenges we faced during his tenure.

Here's a personal example of how Secretary Powell demonstrated this commitment and how it made a difference.

In June 2003, the U.S. Department of State sent me to Baghdad to open the Office of the U.S. Consul. The security situation was unpredictable, and there were many attacks against diplomatic facilities. In October, insurgents rocketed the Al-Rashid Hotel where I was staying. While I survived a rocket hitting my room, I was traumatized and struggled to regain my equilibrium.

Soon after the attack, the Department's HR office sent me an email asking for feedback on a new incentive package to encourage Foreign Service personnel to take assignments in Iraq. I was exhausted, angry, and bitter and wrote a very nasty response. At the end of my email, I told them, in a snarky "I don't expect this to happen" way, that the only thing I wanted was for Secretary Powell to say to my parents that he was keeping me safe.

In November, I traveled back to Washington DC to receive an award for my actions after the Al-Rashid bombing. My parents attended the ceremony, and just before it began, one of the organizers asked if my parents would please watch from a specific spot in the room.

After giving me an award, Secretary Powell left the stage and walked over to my parents. He introduced himself, shook their hands, and told them, "don't worry, I'm keeping your daughter safe." He comforted my parents and gave me the strength I needed to return to Baghdad and complete my assignment. After that day, I was willing to do anything for Secretary Powell, regardless of the risk or personal sacrifice.

Why did this simple act contribute to my resilience and inspire me when I returned to a dangerous, unpredictable environment? I felt that Secretary Powell, despite his power and responsibilities, was genuinely committed to me and my family's well-being. He cultivated a team of people who were willing to forgive my anger, who were allowed to bring requests to him from junior staff, and who worked with him to make the time to fulfill what I thought was an unrealistic request. Demonstrating authentic commitment to his team members was ingrained in how he conducted himself and his operations. It made a difference.

How do you demonstrate your commitment to team members?

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To learn more about how you and your team can thrive in adversity, visit my website, and follow me on LinkedIn, Facebook, and Twitter. And, check out my online Resilience Leadership course.