Last spring, I wrote a blog on how to maintain resilience when someone in your office dies. It is also essential, particularly for managers, to focus on resilience when an employee loses a loved one - a spouse, parent, child, or close friend/relative.
Everyone suffers death and loss at some point. Grief can be all-consuming, an issue that spills over into the workplace long after the loss has passed.
Managers who support employees' resilience during times of grief are more likely to find the right balance between being compassionate and maintaining workplace productivity. It also sends a message to all employees that you value them as individuals.
Supervisors who ignore the loss or do not respond well may undermine an employee's healing process, and the employee may struggle to bounce back from this significant life-changing event.
Managers can play a crucial role in helping a person heal. While we all deal with grief differently, knowing something about the various stages or behaviors typical in the grief process can help supervisors understand how to support grieving staff.
In addition to understanding the griefing process, consider these tips for helping a grieving employee:
Talk to Your Employee
Having social connections is critical to resilience. Reach out to your bereaved employee as soon as possible after you learn of their loss. Carve out space on your calendar so that you do not feel rushed for time. Take a moment to gather your thoughts. When offering your condolences, expect sadness and tears. Listen and respect confidentiality.
When the employee returns to work, don't avoid talking about the loss. Many people who are grieving find it comforting to talk about the memories of their loved ones. Don't worry that you will somehow "remind" them of their loss. Their loved one will already be at the forefront of their thoughts. Be cautious of offering platitudes. Instead, provide a sincere expression of condolence that opens up space for your employee to talk.
Give Your Employee Time
Be as flexible as possible in allowing your employee to have the time and space to deal with their loss. Some people will want to return to work as soon as possible while others need more time away. Don't make assumptions about what your employee needs. Ensure that all options are available and let your employee decide which route to take. Know that the grief journey is rarely linear. An employee may have a good day, followed by a bad day.
Share Information
Ask your employee what information they would like conveyed to the team. Proactively offer to draft an email message on their behalf to their colleagues. Later, with permission from the employee, share information about funerals and memorials in a timely fashion. Consider attending the service if appropriate (this may be virtual during coronavirus). If appropriate, ensure that the office organizes a group acknowledgment, such as issuing a card or flowers. Having the support of colleagues can help the employee bounce back.
Here's a sample message you could send on behalf of an employee:
"I am deeply saddened to tell you that the [family member] of [employee] died on [date]. [Employee] and [pronoun] family hope you will share in their sorrow and loss, but also in the joyful memories of [family member). When I have more information about [employee's] return and about funeral arrangements, I will share them."
Anniversaries Are Hard
Even years after someone loses a loved one, there are key dates that may trigger an emotional response. These can include birthdays, anniversaries, the day someone passed, or other significant days. Be sensitive to these days and understanding if your employee is struggling. Allowing someone to talk about their loved one is the kindest thing you can offer.
Get Help
Dealing with grief can be very difficult. Reach out to your Employee Assistance Program to see if they have resources for managers and employees. Remind employees for whom their colleague’s loss may be a trigger or reminder of their grief of available resources for support.
What advice do you have for managers with employees who lost a loved one?
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To learn more about how you and your team can thrive in adversity, visit my website, and follow me on LinkedIn, Facebook, and Twitter. And, check out my online Resilience Leadership course.