Want an Energy Boost? Learn to Breathe

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I learned to breathe in India. My yoga instructor taught me to take a deep breath, expanding my belly, and then pause and exhale slowly to the count of five. I repeated this four times and felt remarkably calmer and centered afterward.

My instructor called it Pranayama. Others call it controlled or abdominal breathing. It doesn't matter what you call it or what technique works best for you. Any controlled breathing will increase your energy, release stress, sharpen mental clarity, and improve your resilience.

According to the New York Times, science is beginning to provide evidence that the benefits of this ancient practice are physiological as well as psychological. Studies have found, for example, that breathing practices can help reduce symptoms associated with anxiety, insomnia, post-traumatic stress disorder, depression, and attention deficit disorder.

A study in China found that eight weeks of intensive diaphragmatic breathing training improved cognition, emotion, and physiological responses. Even a 1-day breathing exercise relieved the emotional exhaustion and depersonalization induced by job burnout. "Breathing is massively practical," says Belisa Vranich, a psychologist and author of the book "Breathe.” “It’s a meditation for people who can’t meditate.”

How controlled breathing promotes wellbeing is still unclear. Some researchers are studying how controlled breathing changes our autonomic nervous system. When we practice controlled breathing, our brain may adjust the parasympathetic branch of the nervous system, slowing our heart rate and digestion and promoting feelings of calm.

Controlled breathing may also affect our immune system. At the Medical University of South Carolina, researchers studied two groups of adults. One group did two sets of 10-minute breathing exercises while the other read a text of their choice for 20 minutes. They tested the volunteers' saliva at various times during the exercise. Individuals doing the breathing exercise had significantly lower levels of several chemicals associated with inflammation and stress.

Have you tried controlled breathing? If so, what impact has it had on your resilience?

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To learn more about how you and your team can thrive in adversity, visit my website, and follow me on LinkedIn, Facebook, and Twitter. And, check out my online Resilience Leadership course.

How to Demonstrate Commitment to Colleagues

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Organizations with committed leaders and staff are better able to adapt to change and thrive in adversity. Teams with high levels of commitment, one of the 7Cs of team resilience, perform well in a crisis.

What does it mean to be committed to your colleagues? Committed co-workers show respect to others. They are loyal and will give something of value (time, money, effort) to support each other. They keep promises and protect teammates from harm even when it is hard to do so.

Here are some ways you can demonstrate your commitment to colleagues:

Do What's Right

Avoid rationalizing to make what's wrong right in your mind. While we all work in gray areas, don't get drawn into the trap of justifying that doing something wrong is okay. I always ask myself whether I would proudly testify in Congress about my behavior. I don't take action if I would be ashamed to tell others what I've done.

Join Committees and Working Groups

Joining efforts that improve your team's well-being shows you are committed to the group, not just your responsibilities. Find at least one activity you can be involved in that contributes to the common good.

Show Up

Attend celebrations, farewells, award ceremonies, and other events in your organization. If you're an introvert, you don't need to stay for the entire event. Show up for at least 10-15 minutes to demonstrate that you support your colleagues.

An Open Door Is Not Enough

If you are a senior leader, walk around the organization and meet people in their workspaces. Saying you have an "open door" communicates that you are expecting everyone to come to you. Instead, go to them. Spend time with people where they work.

Show Interest in Colleagues' Work

Be genuinely interested in the work your colleagues are doing. Ask questions, listen, and become familiar with what they do. Understand their challenges and offer to help if needed.

Keep Your Promises

Don't make a promise you cannot keep and keep the promises you make, no matter how hard it becomes to do so. If you must break a promise, explain why and strive to make this an exception to the rule.

Make Time for People

The more senior you become, the more time you need to dedicate to people. Mentor staff and help them achieve professional and personal success. Provide time and money for personal development.

Focus on Team Instead of Personal Achievements

Give credit to team members for a job well done. Celebrate team success. If you receive a monetary award for a significant accomplishment, spend some of the money on the team that helped you win that recognition. When you get promoted, take your team to lunch to say thanks for helping you get there.

How do you demonstrate your commitment to colleagues?

___________________________

To learn more about how you and your team can thrive in adversity, visit my website, and follow me on LinkedIn, Facebook, and Twitter. And, check out my online Resilience Leadership course.

How to Stop Being a Work Martyr

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Do you avoid taking leave because you think you are indispensable at work? Do you equate being crazy busy with being important and valued? Do you work yourself to the bone because you believe no one else can do the work as well as you? At social events, do you only talk about work?

If you've answered yes to any of these questions, you may be a work martyr. Work martyrs prize hours worked over actual productivity and believe that not taking a break will reap greater professional success. They think no one can do their work as well as them, so they rarely take leave. They strive to show complete dedication to their company and job, sacrificing other life priorities.

While work martyrs may get a lot done in the short-term, this surge in productivity drops significantly in the long-term. They are also at high risk of burnout. Their behavior may put pressure on colleagues to also become work martyrs, undermining the team's long-term resilience and productivity.

According to a report by the U.S. Travel Association, a staggering four in ten (39%) employees say they want to be seen as a work martyr by their boss. Unfortunately, the number of work martyrs is growing among millennials. According to a survey conducted by Alamo Rent A Car, millennials are the most likely to make others feel a sense of shame for taking a vacation. 

Many work martyrs realize they are sacrificing more than they should. In the same U.S. Travel Association report, the overwhelming majority (86%) of employees believe it is a bad thing to be seen as a work martyr by their family.

If you think you’re a work martyr, here are some suggestions that will help you stop:

Say No

Work martyrs usually have no boundaries and rarely, if ever, say no. Commit to saying no more at work. Let your supervisor know what you're doing and why, so your sudden change in behavior doesn't come as a shock. Review this blog with 11 tips on how to say no.

Ask For Help

Work martyrs rarely ask for help because they think they know best or worry about appearing to be weak. Review this blog on how to ask for help. To jumpstart, consider setting a specific goal for yourself, such as asking for help at work once a day. Reward yourself at the end of the week if you meet your goal.

Stop Being a Perfectionist

Many work martyrs are perfectionists, believing that anything less than perfect is unworthy. Read this blog on perfectionism and commit to living a less-than-perfect life.

Take Vacation

Work martyrs rarely take a vacation. Strive to take all of your leave every year. This blog provides advice on how to make sure you take regular vacations.

Accept What You Can’t Control

Work martyrs often try to control everything in their environment and spend hours trying to alter rather than accept a less than ideal reality. Review this blog on accepting what you can't control and pledge to spend more time focused on things you can impact and realistically influence. 

Have you stopped being a work martyr? What helped you stop?

___________________________

To learn more about how you and your team can thrive in adversity, visit my website, and follow me on LinkedIn, Facebook, and Twitter. And, check out my online Resilience Leadership course.

When Your Boss Has Low Resilience

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I recently consulted with someone who described her boss as very quick to anger, exploding at the staff without warning or reason. She is clingy, insisting that employees join her for social activities and always be available for her to vent. She is moody, rarely sleeps, and her cynicism is harsh and corrosive.

As you can imagine, this behavior negatively impacts the office she supervises. Staff resilience is eroding, and her team is breaking down. Employees are demoralized, and a few people have already quit.

It sounds like this boss had once been impressive, but after years of chronic stress, her resilience was extremely low. She had become toxic. My colleague asked me for advice on what to do. Here's what I suggested:

Speak With Your Boss

If you have a trusting relationship with your boss, consider speaking with her about what you're seeing. Review my blog on how to help someone with low resilience. Your intent must be positive. You have to want to help her eliminate problematic behaviors and be a more effective boss. If your boss isn't open to talking, don't push. Just let her know that you want to help and that you're available if she would like to speak with someone.

Find a Colleague to Help

Look for a colleague who has a trusting relationship with your boss and see if that person will initiate a non-judgmental, well-intentioned conversation. Explain that you don’t want to gossip or complain, but you need someone who can help support your boss through a difficult situation.

Talk to Your Boss's Supervisor

While many of us are reluctant to go around our boss and report problems, this is a time when your boss's supervisor could be a valuable ally. When explaining the situation, focus on the behaviors you've observed and the impact it is having on you. Avoid drawing conclusions or making judgments. You're not complaining about a bad boss; you're helping your boss's supervisor understand that there is problematic behavior harming you. You are seeking assistance in eliminating that behavior. If this sounds scary, it is. If you can bring a group of employees together who can speak from first-hand experience, that sometimes makes it easier and is less likely to be viewed as personal.

Go to HR

If initial efforts to address the problematic behavior are not successful, consider talking to your organization’s HR office. If you have an Ombudsman or Office of the Inspector General, consider getting them involved.

Transfer or Quit

If all else fails, consider asking to be relocated within the organization or quitting. Working for a supervisor with low resilience who is engaging in problematic behavior can harm your resilience and set the team up for failure. There are times when quitting is the best option. If you don't want to leave, look for a short-term detail in another office to get a break. Let people know you're interested in making a lateral move to another position in the organization.

Focus on Your Resilience

If you decide to stay, and efforts to improve your environment fail, commit to keeping your resilience as high as possible. Make your resilience a top priority and do what you can to contribute to your team's resilience. Review this blog on how to survive a toxic work environment.

Have you worked for a boss with low resilience? What has worked for you?

___________________________

To learn more about how you and your team can thrive in adversity, visit my website, and follow me on LinkedIn, Facebook, and Twitter. And, check out my online Resilience Leadership course.

My Favorite Resilience-Related Podcasts

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I love listening to podcasts, especially on long road trips. There are several podcasts that discuss resilience and other related issues. Here are my favorites, which are all available on iTunes.

• Road to Resilience: Mount Sinai Health System started this monthly podcast in June 2018. The series is based on one of my favorite books, Resilience: The Science of Mastering Life’s Greatest Challenges, which explains how anyone can become more resilient when facing life’s greatest challenges. Each podcast episode focuses on specific resilience aspects and presents a simple guide for people to follow and apply to their own lives.  

• Resilient: Started in April 2018, Deloitte’s podcast features authentic, engaging, and thought-provoking conversations with CEOs, senior executives, board members, and people outside the business world about how they led through crisis, navigated through disruption, and managed through significant risk events.

• Being Well with Dr. Rick Hanson: Dr. Hanson started this podcast in June 2016. He’s a psychologist and the author of Resilient, another one of my favorite books. He focuses a lot on the brain and how we can use our minds to change our brains for the better.

• Hidden Brain: Started in October 2015, NPR’s Shankar Vedantam uses science and storytelling to reveal the unconscious patterns that drive human behavior, shape our choices, and direct our relationships. While many of his episodes are not related to resilience, his series You 2.0 explored a range of resilience concepts that were useful and inspiring.

• Bryony Gordon’s Mad World: Bryony Gordon is a journalist with the Telegraph newspaper and has written several books about mental health. In this podcast, started in April 2017, she has intimate conversations with well-known personalities about being unwell and getting better. My favorite is her interview with Prince Harry, when he opened up for the first time about his grief after his mother died.

• On Being: This long-running podcast explores the intersection of spiritual inquiry, science, social healing, community, poetry, and the arts through interviews with experts in the fields. In 2014, President Obama awarded host Krista Tippett the National Humanities Medal for “thoughtfully delving into the mysteries of human existence.” 

• Real Life Resilience: Since 2015, host Stacy Brookman has interviewed guests who have weathered challenges and bounced back from trauma. She focuses on helping people discover and tell their life stories because it provides them with insight and courage to finally make progress. They become a more authentic person, comfortable with who they are and where they're going.

Do you listen to resilience podcasts? What are your favorites? 

___________________________

To learn more about how you and your team can thrive in adversity, visit my website, and follow me on LinkedIn, Facebook, and Twitter. And, check out my online Resilience Leadership course.

I Don't Like Work-Life Balance

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I don't like the concept of "work-life balance." While I appreciate the goals of work-life balance campaigns, I worry that we are not using the right language and, therefore, not always finding the best ways forward.

My biggest complaint is that it sets up an incorrect distinction between "work" and "life" as if work is not part of my life, and I am not living when I'm at work. Work is a significant aspect of my life, part of my identity, where I find meaning and purpose, and where I spend a lot of my time.

However, my life has several facets in addition to work such as friends, family, hobbies, reflective time, exercise, and sleeping. I don't turn off aspects of my life while at work. When my parents died, it impacted my work. If I don't sleep well, it affects my work. If I don't carve out enough reflective time, my work suffers.

Work will also impact the rest of your life. Work stress may result in poor sleep or mood swings that affect relationships with friends and family. Overwork may reduce the time you have available for hobbies or regular exercise.

The facets of our lives bleed into each other and are not separate and distinct. This video that Kristina Kuzmic posted on Facebook is an excellent illustration of why trying to balance everything can get us into trouble.

Rather than balance life's facets, we should choose how to spend our time after thinking through the costs and benefits of these choices. That's why I prefer "life integration" instead of "balance."

For example, my dad chose to be home for dinner with his family every evening, which prevented him from taking volunteer positions. As a result, he didn't get promoted. He happily gave up opportunities given the long-term benefits of being present for his family, who surrounded him with love and support at the end of his life.

I met an exceptional leader who schedules family vacations right after times when he has to work long hours. This way, he recovers from the work stress and compensates for the time he was unable to be with his family. He appoints someone to act for him and stays away from his email during these vacations.

A successful U.S. diplomat would go to a low-stress (and not necessarily good for promotion) country right after serving in a dangerous post so she could decompress and enjoy more time with friends and hobbies.

For each of these individuals, nothing was in perfect balance. Instead, they chose to prioritize different parts of their lives depending on their needs at the time.

Instead of seeking work-life balance, identify what's important to you, define your priorities, and set some boundaries. Strive for a well-integrated life by making a conscious choice about how you will spend your time, being aware of the pros and cons of these decisions.

What do you think of "life integration" instead of "work-life balance?"

___________________________

To learn more about how you and your team can thrive in adversity, visit my website, and follow me on LinkedIn, Facebook, and Twitter. And, check out my online Resilience Leadership course.

How to Avoid Throwing Your Colleagues Under the Bus

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Throwing a colleague under the bus is one of the quickest ways to destroy team resilience. Sacrificing a teammate for a temporary and often minor advantage demonstrates your lack of commitment to your colleague and the team.

Even well-meaning people can sacrifice a teammate under pressure. For example, what if your supervisor criticizes you for missing a project deadline. You’re late because a colleague took a long time to get you some input. It’s tempting to blame your colleague rather than to promise to do better next time.

This behavior destroys trust and can turn colleagues against each other, with staff focusing on avoiding rather than encouraging risk and innovation.

While we all may know this, sometimes we act out of fear and later regret our rash behavior. Committing to "keeping each other out from under the bus" will help you resist temptation. Even when you are sure you are justified in shifting blame, don't do it. The long-term costs will always be higher than the immediate benefits.

Here are some tips to help you avoid throwing others under the bus:

Know Your “Throw” Triggers

Often people throw someone under the bus and then quickly regret it. Identify the triggers that spark that impulse. Practice responding to the triggers with different behavior.

Build Relationships

You are much less likely to betray colleagues you know and like. Take the time to get to know your co-workers so you'll view them as allies instead of rivals or threats.

Share The Risks

We all must take calculated risks, but when you take on too much risk by yourself, you're more likely to point the finger elsewhere if the situation goes bad. Instead, take significant risks as a team. Make sure the team understands the risks and make decisions as a group. Discuss worst-case contingency plans as a team. If you have a negative outcome, it's more likely the team will take responsibility instead of sacrificing just one person.

Clarify Roles and Responsibilities

When there are unclear roles and responsibilities, it is easier to betray your colleagues. Avoid this by clarifying roles and responsibilities, getting agreement among those involved, and documenting the results before trouble begins.

Admit Your Mistakes

While it can be hard to admit your mistakes, particularly in a public setting, your colleagues will trust and respect you more if you do. The more comfortable you are making and acknowledging your mistakes, the less likely you will blame others when you mess up.

Maintain High Resilience

If your resilience is low, you are more likely to make emotional decisions that undermine colleagues. Maintaining high resilience will help you manage your actions and avoid sacrificing colleagues out of fear.

What helps you avoid throwing others under the bus?

___________________________

To learn more about how you and your team can thrive in adversity, visit my website, and follow me on LinkedIn, Facebook, and Twitter. And, check out my online Resilience Leadership course.

Perfectionism is the Enemy of Resilience

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One of the quickest ways to erode resilience is to try to be perfect. Some people strive for perfection to hide their shortcomings. Others think they need to project an ideal image to avoid criticism.

Unfortunately, perfection is impossible to achieve. As the pressure to be perfect builds up, we risk an explosion or collapse. Striving to be perfect requires an enormous amount of energy, leaving little in reserve for a crisis. And, if you project a perfect image, this pressures others to try to do the same.

A perfectionist boss often instills fear in subordinates who will seek to please them rather than do their best. Fear, paradoxically, generates more mistakes. Instead of using their instinct or common sense, employees try to read their boss' minds. As a result, they drop the ball over and over. Constant criticism has a similar impact.

If you find yourself struggling with the desire to be perfect, ask yourself the following questions:

1. Am I trying to please others? 

Stop focusing on what you think other people expect of you. Accept that it is okay to disappoint people. Don’t let guilt drive your behavior. Live the life that you choose, consistent with your values and goals. Remind yourself that it is better to be respected than to be liked.

2. What’s the worst thing that could happen? 

If things don't go according to your perfect expectations, how much harm, if any, will it cause? Can you live with the disappointment or anger that less than perfect may cause? Is there a real loss, or are you just imagining an adverse outcome?

3. What can I learn when things don’t go as expected? 

Accept reality rather than getting stuck to how you think things are supposed to be. Ask yourself why things didn't things go your way. What can you improve? Is there something you could have done better? Or was it out of your control?

How do you avoid being a perfectionist?

___________________________

To learn more about how you and your team can thrive in adversity, check out my online Resilience Leadership course.

How to Make Resilience Your Superpower

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Resilience is a superpower. Resilience is the capacity to adapt successfully in the presence of risk and adversity and to bounce back, or forward, from setbacks, trauma, and high stress.

When I was a senior leader at the Department State, I saw that resilient people and teams were more adaptable, flexible, collaborative, and innovative; they got things done. Resilience was the shield that protected against continuous change, chronic stress, and constant pressures.

Luckily, resilience is not just a trait that some people are lucky to have at birth. It is also a state of being that can change depending on your environment and actions. Everyone can develop the resilience superpower by mastering resilience skills and tools, and making time for resilience enhancing activities.

When I ran the Department of State's Center of Excellence in Foreign Affairs Resilience, we reviewed resilience research and studied successful diplomats and overseas missions to identify the following five factors that are essential for building and maintaining resilience:

Self-Care

Daily physical activity, healthy eating, sufficient sleep, and taking time to recover from stress are necessary for both short-term and long-term resilience. Study your daily and weekly routines and try to schedule the time you need to focus on each of these components. We often overlook the need to recover — which can be as simple as taking a walk in a park, meditating, or working on a jigsaw puzzle. If you have long workdays and overwhelming workloads, build in short breaks that allow time to recover from periods of high-intensity work. Take vacation.

Problem-Solving

Your level of resilience directly correlates to your ability to maintain a sense of control, even over the smallest things. Spend time and mental energy on issues you can control and influence while letting go of things that are outside of your control (e.g., traffic). Set clear boundaries, communicate them to colleagues, friends, and family, and then use your boundaries to say "no" to requests that would otherwise overwhelm you. Ask “why” five times to get to the root of a problem. Ask for help when you need it.

Meaning and Purpose

A person's sense of meaning and purpose directly links to their resilience. Find ways to insert meaning and purpose into your daily life. For some, meaning and purpose come from religion or family, while others engage in service projects, volunteer work, or hobbies. If you don't find meaning in your work, consider finding another job or shifting your work focus. Be passionate about something. Be helpful to others.

Social Support

In-person social interactions are essential to your well-being and resilience. The depth of individual relationships outweighs the number of connections one has. Nurture your friendships and family relationships and build support among your work colleagues. For fellow introverts, resist the temptation when feeling down to isolate yourself and instead spend time with a close friend who won't drain you of energy.

Positive Outlook

Maintaining a positive outlook builds resilience. Consciously focus on what is going well in your life and, as necessary, positively re-frame the parts that aren’t going so well. Positive re-framing might require you to zoom your perspective in or out or look at an issue from a different angle. Spend time every day thinking about what you are grateful for and then express that gratitude to colleagues, friends, and family. Laugh often.

What helps you build and maintain your resilience?  

___________________________

To learn more about how you and your team can thrive in adversity, visit my website, and follow me on LinkedIn, Facebook, and Twitter. And, check out my online Resilience Leadership course.

Great Leaders Model Resilience

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Several years ago, I trained embassy personnel in a highly volatile part of the world. The staff faced incredible challenges in their efforts to achieve U.S. foreign policy goals. I was pleased to meet a senior leader who was practicing many of the resilience skills I was teaching, and, as a result, his accomplishments were far above average. I thought he was one of the best resilience role models I had met in the State Department.

Imagine my surprise when I mentioned this to his colleagues only to have them respond with skepticism. They protested, stating that the leader must have been working all of the time without breaks to accomplish everything he did. They felt they could not keep up with him. I then realized that no one saw him engaging in resilience-enhancing activities. Instead, they assumed he was working all the time. They were frustrated because when they tried to work longer hours, they did not achieve the same results. They viewed him as superhuman and not as a role model.

This exchange highlighted how important it is that leaders let staff see them engaging in resilience practices and talk about why they prioritize certain activities and the impact they have on their abilities.

Here are some tips on how you can model resilience for your staff:

Say No

Many people are overworked, which is a leading cause of low resilience and burnout. One of the main reasons for overwork is having a boss who never says no to requests from their leadership or clients. Great leaders set boundaries and priorities and say no to requests that would burden their staff.

Put Events on Your Calendar

If you work out during lunch, put it on your calendar as exercise time. Put your ten-minute morning walk on your schedule. Staff often has access to senior leaders' calendars, and seeing these activities scheduled sends the message that they are essential and not frivolous.

Leave Work on Time

While there will always be days when a crisis requires us to work overtime, it is essential that senior leaders are consistently seen leaving the office or logging of their computers on time. If you’re in the office, walk around and say goodnight. If you must check emails after hours, don't respond until you're back in the office.

Take Vacation

Designate and train a backup and take several weeks of leave each year. If you check emails while on vacation, don't respond until you're back in the office. Talk about your vacation plans and how your vacation made you feel afterward.

Talk About Your Passions

If your family is your passion, talk about them, and mention the importance of being home for dinner with your children. If a hobby is your passion, let your team know why you make time for it. When your employees see how much you value non-work activities, they will feel free to do the same.

Publicly Ask for Help

Many leaders are reluctant to admit in public that they need help, worried they will appear to be vulnerable or not up to the demands of the job. However, asking for help improves resilience, and when leaders publicly ask for help, they encourage others to do the same.

Acknowledge Your Bad Days

Most people try to give the impression that they are okay even when they are not. When leaders acknowledge that they are having a tough time because a child is ill or a friend just died, this communicates that it is reasonable to struggle from time-to-time. 

Have you or one of your supervisors modeled resilience? If so, how?

___________________________

To learn more about how you and your team can thrive in adversity, visit my website, and follow me on LinkedIn, Facebook, and Twitter. And, check out my online Resilience Leadership course.