Why Holiday Parties Are Not a Waste of Time

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The winter holiday season is almost here. With most of us working virtually and avoiding crowds, we may be tempted to cancel holiday parties this year.

Many people view these as fun events that give us a nice break from work, but not an essential part of operations. Others think they are a waste of time and are happy for the excuse not to have a holiday party this year.

However, these parties play a significant role in building team resilience, and leaders would benefit from prioritizing their success. While it may be more challenging to have a safe and, most likely, virtual holiday party this year, it’s worth the effort.

Here’s how a holiday party contributes to team resilience:

Culture

The annual holiday party can become a part of a shared identity, with staff taking pride in presenting their office to others. The positive stories from a successful party become part of the shared history. New employees are brought into this shared history by helping to organize and then participating in the event.

Connections

Connections are built across an office, not just at the event itself but, even more important, through the committees and working groups that organize items such as food, decorations and clean up. The best committees have members from various divisions within an office. By working together on a shared goal, employees get to know each other. They will then have much better connections later on when collaboration may be more challenging.

Commitment

Parties give managers an excellent opportunity to show their commitment by helping with party set-up, breaking down, contributing food and drink, or paying for decorations or entertainment. Managers who show up and actively engage with staff communicate that they are committed to the people who work for them.

Consideration

These parties provide an opportunity to invite guests to whom you are grateful. Invite your professional contacts and colleagues from other offices who've helped you throughout the year as a way of saying thanks. Parties that are welcoming and inclusive show community members how much you value them.

So, instead of canceling this year’s holiday party, put a committee together to figure out how to host a virtual party or a safe in-person event.

What are your thoughts on holiday parties? How have you seen them contribute to team resilience?

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To learn more about how you and your team can thrive in adversity, visit my website, and follow me on LinkedIn, Facebook, and Twitter.

How to Create a Culture of Gratitude in Your Workplace

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Thanksgiving is just around the corner, so it's a good time to think about gratitude. Gratitude is a powerful resilience-building tool in both our personal and work lives.

Research consistently shows that workplace appreciation improves employee engagement and boosts performance. Gratitude also promotes stronger social connections between employees, one of the 7Cs of team resilience.

Despite the benefits gratitude brings to the workplace, a recent survey by Peldon Rose found that less than half (45 percent) of employees feel appreciated at work.

Here are some ways you can increase gratitude in your workplace:

Carve Out the Time

When asked why they don't express appreciation to their work colleagues, people often tell me that they are so busy they forget. They have good intentions but don't follow through.

If you struggle to find the time to express your gratitude to colleagues, build it into your routine. Schedule ten minutes on your calendar every day to write thank-you notes. Add a five-minute agenda item in weekly staff meetings to thank employees to whom you are grateful. Schedule a weekly coffee with colleagues to thank them for the work they do.

Face Your Fears

Some leaders are worried that showing appreciation will communicate that they are weak and too emotional. Others fear that employees will start to feel entitled and expect recognition for routine work. If you have these fears, it's essential to acknowledge them and then remind yourself that research shows otherwise. Employees value leaders who express appreciation and gratitude, and it rarely undermines performance. Have the courage to act despite your fears.

Be Authentic

Gratitude can have a negative impact if it is not authentic. Don't pretend, lie, or invent reasons to express gratitude. If you offer gratitude for purely cynical or instrumental reasons, it's unlikely to work. Small tokens of appreciation may feel artificial and forced if there's no substance behind them. To be authentic when you express gratitude, explain what the person did and its positive impact on you.

Adapt to Each Employee

Gratitude is not one size fits all. Don't assume that everyone responds well to public praise or a thank you card. Get to know your colleagues and adapt to their needs and preferences. Consultant Stephanie Pollack compiled dozens of different gratitude practices to try at work, from surprise care packages to appreciation badges to a celebration calendar.

Create a Gratitude Wall

Gratitude walls have become very popular because they encourage employees to acknowledge their gratitude for each other publicly. Whether it's a quick thanks to a colleague for bringing in baked goods or a new employee feeling welcomed by others, the idea is to complement each other's contributions and acts of kindness and generosity. This YouTube video describes how to create a virtual gratitude wall for those working from home. 

How do you encourage gratitude at your workplace?

___________________________

To learn more about how you and your team can thrive in adversity, visit my website, and follow me on LinkedIn, Facebook, and Twitter.

Are You Feeling Stressed From Coronavirus? Try Coloring

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If chronic stress from the coronavirus is eroding your resilience and you’re looking for a quick and inexpensive way to de-stress and rest your brain, consider coloring.

After her 10-week-old son's death, Dee Ledger found that coloring calmed her nerves and helped soothe her grief.

Devin Kent started coloring after a bad car accident left her with extreme anxiety. Coloring leaves her calm and confident, able to conquer the world.

Lydia Mansel discovered that coloring left her with fewer headaches and less back pain. When she started coloring, her sleep improved, and she ate less. 

Research supports the wealth of anecdotal evidence that coloring helps people recover from stress and trauma.

A 2006 study found that art therapy for women with cancer helped significantly decrease physical and emotional distress during their treatment. Another study found that coloring an intricate geometric design reduced anxiety among undergraduate students. 

According to psychologist Nikki Martinez, coloring can calm down our amygdala, the part of the brain that, when active, keeps individuals in a heightened state of worry, panic, and hyper-vigilance. She explains that coloring can have an exceptionally recuperative effect by taking you out of your present stresses and concerns.

Craig Sawchuk, a clinical psychologist at the Mayo Clinic, says that coloring books work like other mindfulness techniques such as yoga and meditation. Coloring can help slow down your heart rate and respiration, loosen muscles and stimulate the brain.

Sawchuk recommends that people who are new to coloring start slow, with a limited amount of time, and gradually increase every few days. He explains that some people focus better while working on simple symmetrical designs while others benefit from more complex, abstract patterns. People should try both types to see what works for them.

It’s not surprising that coloring books for adults are best-sellers. One of the first coloring books specifically for adults is Johanna Basford’s Secret Garden, and it has sold more than 11 million copies in 22 languages since its release in Spring 2013. In France, the publisher Hachette's release of "Art-Therapie: 100 Coloriages Anti-Stress" was such a success that Hachette launched 20 more coloring books, selling nearly 20 million copies. 

There are thousands of coloring books adults can choose from and many websites that offer free coloring pages. If you’re looking for a quick way to build resilience and recover from stress during this global pandemic, give coloring a try.

Do you color? What impact does it have on your resilience and wellbeing?

I help individuals and teams thrive in adversity by providing practical skills and tools I developed over several decades as a U.S. diplomat in challenging environments. Visit my website to learn more about how I can help you and your team better adapt to stress and adversity. With resilience skills and tools, you and your team will be more creative, innovative, and collaborative. Resilient individuals and teams are less likely to suffer from burnout and are more open to change. Follow me on LinkedIn, Facebook, and Twitter.

This is Hard! And, That's Okay

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It has been over five months since the World Health Organization declared a global public health emergency, and many of us have been in lockdown for all of this time. We are adapting to a new normal filled with a myriad of stressors. The future is unpredictable, and no one knows when the pandemic will end.

If you are close to or at your breaking point, you are not alone. This is hard! One of the best ways to manage during an extended crisis is to accept how hard it is and give yourself permission to struggle.

If you are feeling vulnerable right now, you are not alone. It's our vulnerabilities and weaknesses that make us human and that will help us get through challenging times.

Here are some suggestions on how to accept your vulnerabilities and weaknesses:

Take Off Your Armor

Many of us are reluctant to show weakness, so we put up a front, trying to appear more courageous or dauntless than we really feel. It's time to stop and take off our mental armor. Pretending we're not negatively impacted by the pandemic takes significant mental energy that erodes resilience over time. Have the courage to be imperfect. Check out Brené Brown’s TED Talk on the power of vulnerability.

Be Authentic

Authenticity is essential for creating sincere connections with other people, a key resilience factor. Let go of who you think you should be and be who you are. If you’re afraid, don’t hesitate to share your fears with others. If you’re sad, express your emotion. If you’re angry, it’s okay to let others know. If you bottle up these negative emotions, it’s harder to connect with others. Suppressed negative emotions will often come out in unpredictable and destructive ways.

You Are Good Enough

Remind yourself that you are good enough to get through this crisis. You are not less capable than anyone else. We are all struggling. If you see others who seem to be thriving despite the pandemic, remind yourself that they might be more vulnerable than they appear.

Ask for Help

It is reasonable to need help during a long-term crisis. Needing help is often a normal reaction to a very abnormal situation. Reach out to trusted friends to talk through your emotions. Consider seeing a mental health professional who can help you work through the impact the pandemic has on your well-being. Many therapists now offer virtual therapy, which can be a lifeline during tough times. 

Focus on Essentials

This is not the time to write your first novel, lose weight, prepare for a marathon, or achieve some other significant personal goal. The pressure to come out of this crisis a better person can have the opposite effect. Focus on your core essentials - a safe home, healthy food, supportive relationships, and immediate financial and health needs. Everything else can wait until this crisis is over.

What are you doing to accept your vulnerabilities and weaknesses?

I help individuals and teams thrive in adversity by providing practical skills and tools I developed over several decades as a U.S. diplomat in challenging environments. Visit my website to learn more about how I can help you and your team better adapt to stress and adversity. With resilience skills and tools, you and your team will be more creative, innovative, and collaborative. Resilient individuals and teams are less likely to suffer from burnout and are more open to change. Follow me on LinkedIn, Facebook, and Twitter.

You Need Vacation Now More Than Ever

Last week, I should have been packing my bags. I'd been planning a trip to Europe for over a year and was excited about visiting friends and exploring new cities. Instead, the airline canceled my flights, and I'm not permitted to enter most European countries. I'm not sure when I'll be on a plane again.

While it's tempting to keep working and skip summer vacation this year, I feel stress from the coronavirus pandemic. I need time to rest and recover so that I return to work re-energized. I need a vacation.

It is easy to skip summer vacation this year, especially if you've canceled travel plans. A staycation may be less appealing since many of us are at home all the time now. Many of us don't want to take precious annual leave when we can't go anywhere.

The risk of taking this approach and just skipping vacation is that we will wear ourselves down. As a result, we may experience common characteristics of low resilience, such as low energy, irritability, and getting sick. During a crisis, we must maintain high resilience to remain adaptable and flexible despite the adversity. 

Here are some suggestions on how to take a vacation during a global pandemic:

Make It Short

If it feels like a waste of annual leave to take off work without going somewhere, take just a few days that coincide with a weekend or holiday. A four or five day weekend is often enough time to feel refreshed.

Go on Day Trips

Research day trips you can take without risking exposure to the coronavirus. Pack a picnic and have lunch in a park. Hike local trails. Drive through new neighborhoods and look at the homes. Research a small town close by and go exploring.

Play Games

Pull out your old board games or playing cards and declare a game day. If you’re on your own, see if friends or family will join you virtually. Have a tournament with prizes at the end of the day.

Turn Your Home into a Hotel

Create a minibar, give yourself turndown service, and set out a happy hour buffet. Grab a beach towel and sunbathe in your backyard. Give yourself a spa pedicure. Sleep in and "order" a room service breakfast. Treat yourself to unique cocktails and meals you can have delivered.

Movie Binge

Spend a day watching your favorite movies. Think about where you were and who you were with when you first saw each movie.

Travel Back in Time

Spend a day or two reviewing your old travel photos. Consider creating scrapbooks or virtual slideshows for each of your previous trips.

Take a Virtual Trip

Many of the world's most famous tourist attractions have live webcams and video feeds. Select your favorite sites, either from previous trips or places you want to visit, and take a virtual trip to see them.

Read a Travel Book

Immerse yourself in a good travel book for a day or two. Check out this website for the best travel books of all time.

Plan Next Year’s Vacation

Spend some time planning for next year. Research possibilities. Set your dates and map out your itinerary. Anticipation is half the fun when it comes to vacations.

What are you doing for vacation this summer?

I help individuals and teams thrive in adversity by providing practical skills and tools I developed over several decades as a U.S. diplomat in challenging environments. Visit my website to learn more about how I can help you and your team better adapt to stress and adversity. With resilience skills and tools, you and your team will be more creative, innovative, and collaborative. Resilient individuals and teams are less likely to suffer from burnout and are more open to change. Follow me on LinkedIn, Facebook, and Twitter.

Black Lives Matter

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People often ask me whether teaching people to thrive in adversity is undermining efforts to reduce or eliminate the causes of trauma and chronic stress. If the focus is only on individual resilience, then the answer is yes. For example, expecting Black people to maintain their resilience in a culture that perpetuates systemic and institutionalized racism is unrealistic and harmful.

If we are silent about the violence and threats to the lives and well-being of Black people, our communities will suffer. The coronavirus highlighted how America is marginalizing Black and brown people. If you’re Black, watching police murder George Floyd is a reminder that this could easily have been you or someone you love. The anger we are seeing is a normal response to centuries of oppression and injustice.

To be truly resilient, we need to promote equality and justice in our communities. The first step in overcoming systemic racism and injustice is to understand and admit that there is a problem.

In 1967, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. reminded America that "a riot is the language of the unheard." If you are white, ask African American friends, neighbors, and colleagues about their life experiences. Listen without ego and defensiveness. Ask yourself, what are you failing to hear? Try to understand how institutionalized racism impacts Black people. Recognize your privilege and what you take for granted because you are white.

Unfortunately, not much has changed since 1967. A Black woman recently described how U.S. Customs and Border Protection officers persistently targeted her when she crossed the U.S. border while working at the U.S. Consulate in Ciudad Juarez. Institutional racism and the lack of a meaningful response shattered her dream of being a U.S. diplomat. How many other Black people lost their dreams due to racism and injustice? How many Black people lost their lives due to police brutality? Check out this website for ten reasons to support Black Lives Matter.

With understanding comes action. We all need to have an intentional mindset that racism is everyone's problem. White people need to commit to actively opposing racism and injustice. Participate in collective actions against racism. Challenge the "color-blind" ideology, which contributes to racism. Call out racist jokes or statements. Expand opportunities in the workplace for people of color. Donate to organizations promoting racial equality. Vote for politicians who are committed to racial justice and anti-racist policies. Oppose policies that perpetuate structural racism. Hold police and other government officials accountable for civil rights violations. This hand-out by Anneliese A. Singh lists several actions you can take to combat racism. Corinne Shutack published a list on Medium of 75 things white people can do for racial justice. Make a special effort to shop at Black-owned businesses.

Resilience is about healthy and equitable communities that offer social, physical, and mental well-being to all of their residents. It's about cultures that promote fairness and inclusion for all its members. We cannot have resilience without social justice.

What are you doing to combat racism and injustice?

___________________________

To learn more about how you and your team can thrive in adversity, visit my website, and follow me on LinkedIn, Facebook, and Twitter. And, check out my online Resilience Leadership course.

Why You Want to Play During a Crisis

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As the coronavirus pandemic continues, many of us are getting worn down from the chronic stress associated with staying healthy, caring for others, worrying about finances, and concern for our futures. While this is a grave crisis, taking out time to be childlike can be one of the best ways to cope with the stress you are experiencing.

According to writer Jared Keller, research shows that people of all ages benefit from unstructured playtime as a respite from the grind of daily life. Playing is when you engage in activity for enjoyment and recreation rather than a serious or practical purpose. Research shows that play can relieve stress, boost creativity, improve brain function, and strengthen our relationships with other people.

Keller reports that play is on the decline in the United States, with negative consequences for kids and adults. A 2011 article in the American Journal of Play shows how much children's playtime has declined, and how its absence in adolescence can lead to behavior issues later in life, including depression and anxiety. 

According to Peter Gray, a professor of psychology at Boston College, children's free play has been in continuous decline due to the belief that children learn best from adults, and free play with other children is a waste of time. He argues that "play, especially social play with other children, serves a variety of developmental functions, all of which promote children's mental health. In the absence of such play, children fail to acquire the social and emotional skills that are essential for healthy psychological development."

In his book Play, psychiatrist Dr. Stuart Brown MD, illustrates that "play is anything but trivial. It is a biological drive as integral to our health as sleep or nutrition. We are designed by nature to flourish through play."

Play is not just important for kids; adults also need to play. “We don’t lose the need for novelty and pleasure as we grow up,” according to Scott G. Eberle, Ph.D., vice president for play studies at The Strong and editor of the American Journal of Play. Play brings joy. And it's vital for problem-solving, creativity, and relationships.

Play does not have consequences in the same way that real life does. When we want to blow off steam, play is an appropriate way we do it without having trouble. Play is how we can explore the world around us, experiment, and try out a new hypothesis without consequence. We can color outside the lines without people telling us the right way to go, without bosses or anybody looking over our shoulder. Play is critical not just for self-discovery and freedom, but also for joy.

Think about what you did as a child that made you happy and try to recreate that activity today. Play during coronavirus could be building a fort in your living room, dressing like a clown, having a pillow fight with family members, putting on a puppet show for friends via Zoom, finger painting, or playing with Legos. Laughter Online University offers even more ideas to experience childlike playfulness as adults.

 During this crisis, re-ignite your inner child. By carving out time in your schedule to play, you'll be boosting your resilience and ability the thrive despite adversity.

Do you play? How does it make you feel?

I help individuals and teams thrive in adversity by providing practical skills and tools I developed over several decades as a U.S. diplomat in challenging environments. Visit my website to learn more about how I can help you and your team better adapt to stress and adversity. With resilience skills and tools, you and your team will be more creative, innovative, and collaborative. Resilient individuals and teams are less likely to suffer from burnout and are more open to change. Follow me on Facebook and Twitter at @payneresilience.

How to Build Resilience in Light of the Coronavirus

Image by iXimus from Pixabay

Over the past several weeks, I have watched the latest coronavirus (officially known as COVID-19) spread across the globe. It has disrupted travel, stock markets, and many peoples’ daily lives. While there is still a slim possibility you’ll contract the virus, now is the time to think about how you’ll stay resilient during an outbreak.

Since resilience impacts our immune system, building and maintaining high resilience can help your body defend against viruses and bacteria. Resilience will also help you better manage if you or a loved one is infected. It will help you adapt if there are closures or significant changes in your daily life. And, you’ll be more likely to bounce back quickly and fully (and possibly bounce forward) from any negative impact this crisis may have on you.

Here are ways you can build and maintain your resilience given the coronavirus:

Focus on What You Can Control

The coronavirus is unsettling because so much is out of our control. Ruminating about things you cannot control will erode your resilience. Instead, focus on what you can impact. Review the latest CDC information and guidelines and prepare your emergency plan. Seek news and updates only from reliable sources.

Take Care of Yourself

Prioritize getting enough sleep, eating well, exercising, and making time to recover. Use a potential coronavirus outbreak as an opportunity to review your regular routines and make changes if needed for better self-care.

Help Others

Research shows that helping other people will build your resilience. Reach out to your community to see if there are ways you can help with preparations. Donate funds to organizations that support communities hit by the virus. Donate blood to prevent shortages during an outbreak.

Seek Out Social Support

While it may be tempting to isolate yourself to prevent infection, it is essential that you maintain your social support. Get to know your neighbors and local community members. Make sure you can communicate with friends and family virtually if necessary.

Laugh

Maintaining a positive outlook is a key resilience factor. If you’re binging on Netflix, watch comedies. Seek out friends and family who make you laugh. Watch funny videos on social media.

What are you doing to build your resilience in light of the coronavirus?

I help individuals and teams thrive in adversity by providing practical skills and tools I developed over several decades as a U.S. diplomat in challenging environments. Visit my website to learn more about how I can help you and your team better adapt to stress and adversity. With resilience skills and tools, you and your team will be more creative, innovative, and collaborative. Resilient individuals and teams are less likely to suffer from burnout and are more open to change. Follow me on Facebook and Twitter at @payneresilience.

Why the Nationals Won the World Series

I've been a fan of the Washington Nationals for over twelve years, ever since they built their stadium a few blocks from my home. I watched them struggle in the early years, but they slowly assembled a team filled with skilled players.

Even with excellent athletes, they’d get close to greatness and then crumble under pressure.

A decade of disappointments seemed to wear the team down, and they started the 2019 season with some of their worst performances in years. Who could blame them? They'd lost star player Bryce Harper to rival Phillies, they struggled with injuries, and their bullpen was horrible.

They appeared to have settled into being a good but not great team.

Then, Gerardo Parra joined the team in May. He brought with him the magic that gave the Nationals their first championship title - joy and laughter. Parra chose Baby Shark, a silly children’s song, as his walk-up music and inspired thousands of fans to sing along. He got his teammates to dance in the bullpen and wore ridiculous glasses that made everyone laugh. Parra didn't focus on winning; he just wanted to have fun.

And, then, the Nats starting winning. They went from having the third-worst record in Major League Baseball to the third best. They won the wild-card game against the Brewers and then beat the Dodgers with a 10th-inning grand slam to win the division. They went on to slaughter the Cardinals 4 to 0 to secure the National League pennant. After losing three World Series games in a row in Washington DC, they returned to Houston and played world-class baseball.

As I watched game seven from the Nationals Stadium in D.C., I saw one of the best examples of resilience I've ever seen. The Nats trailed the Astros most of the game. In the seventh inning, they exploded with energy, making six runs in three innings to clinch the championship. 

Last week, I posted a blog on how laughter improves resilience. The Nationals showed us what merriment and silliness do for a team. If your team is struggling and you're looking for a way to boost collaboration, cohesiveness, and effectiveness, inject the group with laughter. Encourage play and light-hearted joking. If you have a team clown or two, recognize their value and encourage their silliness and childlike antics. Don't take yourselves too seriously and have fun. Play Baby Shark and dance!

Let the Washington Nationals, the 2019 World Series champions, inspire your team to greatness through the power of having fun!

Tell me why you think the Washington Nationals won the World Series in my blog comments.

I help individuals and teams thrive in adversity by providing practical skills and tools I developed over several decades as a U.S. diplomat in challenging environments. Visit my website to learn more about how I can help you and your team better adapt to stress and adversity. With resilience skills and tools, you and your team will be more creative, innovative, and collaborative. Resilient individuals and teams are less likely to suffer from burnout and are more open to change. Follow me on Facebook and Twitter at @payneresilience.